Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize