Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
