Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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