He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
