She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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