I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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