ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
