We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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