i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
