The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
