This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
