I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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