Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
