I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
