I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
