this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
