good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
