i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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