last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
