we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
