grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Can I color on your dick again?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
