I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
