If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
