Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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