you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The best revenge is premature balding
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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