I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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