that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Blood and glitter go together right?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
