i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize