meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
