you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
They took my balls.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
