you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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