I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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