its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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