Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
