I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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