me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
