he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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