if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
