Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
