I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
