You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
