If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
