How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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