trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
