I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I should be sponsored by Trojan
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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