your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
