So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
