A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
