My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
