Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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