I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
