90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
