I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
where am i from again
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
