I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
