i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize