Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
