Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
