i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize