So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
