I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
