dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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