I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just forgot I was standing up.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
