just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
