I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
