i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
