We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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