what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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