she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
