the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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