I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
