My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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