Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
