she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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