Christians are straight up FREAKS
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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