fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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