I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
