there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
